Dear John…
I wrote this review a couple years ago, but it strangely-at least not to my knowledge-ever saw print. Shame, ‘cause I thought that it was a stroke of momentary genius, even if I do feel that I could probably execute this idea a bit better given my current skills.
That’s neither here nor there, however, so without further ado…the ending of a great love affair.
Of Graves and Gods-Slit Throat Andromeda (Candlelight)
Dear Metalcore,
I’m writing this to you, because you and I have had some good times over the years. It all started when we were both very young, and I will always treasure the old memories we had together. It was so innocent then, and the idea of combining mosh parts and warmed over At the Gates riffs was so unique! Ah, and those half spoken vocals we used to use because we couldn’t really sing? How fresh it seemed to us!
Alas, people grow apart, however, and with the entrance of Slit Throat Andromeda into my life, I simply feel that we must now go our separate ways. Of Graves and Gods have made me realize that I need just a little more than “chug” in a relationship. They (and their oh-so-clever use of alliteration) have made me realize just short life really is, and how I simply cannot waste it by listening to a band continually beat a dead horse.
Of Graves and Gods put it all into focus: all the times you were trying to think of generic and uninspiring ways to rip off Converge, Meshuggah, or some bland Death Metal, you could have been practicing writing songs. All the times you were attempting to come up with another metaphor for your ex girlfriend, you could have concentrated on rocking out at a tempo that didn’t lead me into an E chord induced coma.
I really wish I could say more, but Heavy Metal is waiting for me outside in the car. We’re going to the Sodom show tonight. It was the only place I knew you wouldn’t be. Take care, Metalcore, and please don’t place all the blame on Slit Throat Andromeda. They were just the catalyst for something I’d been meaning to do for a long time now.
All the best.
MetalGeorge
